Her: hear that? Me: nope Her: what if someone’s is trying to get in to murder me? Me: only person that wants to murder you is already inside

Why is a bullet like a gay man? When it gets it in the ass, he blows his load!

What did the Mexican fireman name his children? Jose and Hose B

If I learned anything from my childhood, its that if you cry long enough, your dead hamster will be reborn as a rabbit

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess’ on it … So I said, “implants?”

I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a sexually suggestive way Apparently that’s “unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher”.

Finding $5 you didn’t know you had is awesome til you realize you’re 34, it’s 2011 & $5 won’t even buy enough gas to drive you off a cliff.

What goes “knio knio?” A backward pig.

You know why I like Peter Pan? He never lands. (I like this joke cause it never gets old)

Why did Hitler send people to concentration camps? Because they had ADD.