A schmooze…. …what Sean Connery calls an afternoon nap

Never tip a cow more than 15%.

Why did the doorman get a raise? He was always out standing.

As a bachelor I learned to separate my laundry into three piles; dirty, not so bad, and I could wear this another two three times if needed.

A man enters an auto parts store. Man: “I need a windshield wiper for a Smart Car” Clerk: “Well, only if you throw $20 into the trade”

Anti-jokes Does anyone have any good anti-jokes? I’ll go first! Q:What’s sad about four black men in a Cadillac driving off of a cliff? A:*They were my friends.*

what idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?

Are you russian? No, I’m not in a hurry.

I think the large hand on my watch is lagging. Sloppy seconds

In this day and age, the closest most of us will get to finding happiness is free wifi and an economy-sized tub of Nutella.