Question: what’s Erdogan’s favorite puzzle game? Answer: pseudo-coup (say it out loud)

So I guess it’s going to be ham for Thanksgiving lulz. cause no more Turkey

I put the p in pants.

What is another way of ‘saying caught between a rock and a hard place’? Having a threesome with Dwayne Johnson

No, I don’t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.

I want the Cowboys to come to my funeral so they can let me down one last time!! (Shots fired)

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great Food! No atmosphere.

I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?

[date] W: I’m really into astronomy. M: Oh! What’s your sign? W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.

Why did they name themselves AC/DC? Because that’s the chord progression in all their songs.