Her: I like your facial hair Me: I like YOUR facial hair (FLIRTING IS HARD)

Say “No, TWO drugs.”

Did you hear about the new bolt the apple company made? The eye bolt

What color is a baby in the microwave? I wouldn’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.

What word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly.

When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time.

What do you call a bear that’s questioning their sexuality? A bipolar bear.

I bet 2 guys named Eric would have an easier time starting a sleepover camp for infants than 2 guys named Sid.