Whaddya call a large lizard in a trench coat? an investigator.

What do you call a German rice cake? A reich cake

Why did Michael Sam, the first openly gay NFL player, say he doesn’t shop at Sports Authority? Because he prefers Dick’s.

It says right on the redbull can: do not mix with alcohol. What do we do? We make jager bombs. We are not a species made to last.

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem… He says,”Give me 2 shots…” The bartender cuts him off saying,”You only get one shot.”

Great news! Chipotle is giving out thousands of free burritos tomorrow! That means I’ll be seeing thousands of you by this weekend!

Strawberry is a terrible name. “Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw,” you’d think. But you’d be wrong

What do you call midget psychic on the run? A small medium at large.

Whats the difference between to dicks and a joke? Your mom cant take a joke. (Heard this from somebody in my class today)

Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.