The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head.

My girlfriend called me lazy the other day. I almost responded.

I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant…. But all it did was change the color of the baby.

[bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money

Where do snowmen put their webpages? On the winternet.

Why did the cowgirl name her pony ink? Because it kept running out of the pen!! My favorite joke when young :).

Man walks into a bakery Says to the baker “I’d like to buy a wasp please.” The baker says “Sir, we don’t sell wasps.” The man replies “Well there’s one in your shop window!”

Just once I would like to hear an athlete thank God for their talent and their pharmacist for everything God left out.

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms….

What’s the coolest answer to a multi-choice question? B)