Wrote Santa A letter asking for a baby brother Wrote Santa a letter asking for a baby brother. Santa wrote back… “Send me your mother”

“The Interview” Joke Kim Jong Un walks past a movie theater and sees a movie poster for “The Interview.” He says “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.”

The average male only lives to 25… It just takes 45 years to bury them.

Why are guys so bad at math? They can’t tell the difference between 3 inches and 9 inches.

My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.

Me: Forgive me father I have sinned Priest: Get out of my house M: But it’s a big sin P: *sigh* Speak child M: I broke into your house

I painted my computer black so it would run faster… but a cop shot it.

Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware.

I’ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I’ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can’t reach the remote.

A child molester and a young boy are walking into the dark woods…. “I’m scared”, said the boy. “YOU’RE scared?? I have to walk out of here alone!”