German tourist crosses Polish border. Border guards ask him: -Name? -Hans -Surname? -Schmidt -Occupation? -No, just traveling.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi

Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? ‘Cause I’m pushing ALL the wrong buttons.

if you get killed while you have to pee your ghost will have to pee but it can’t

What do you call sheep in the Middle East? Arak of lamb

Yo mama so poor she can’t afford to pay attention!

Will trump get a second term? Does it look like I have 2020 vision?

Just kick higher, dammit! This isn’t Rockette science.

One of my mates told me that he has a pregnant rabbit. It has an ingrown hare,

Q: What is Clinton’s plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.