Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!

How is the new Meta Gear game? Its solid.

If you crush a cockroach, you’re a hero. If you crush a beautiful butterfly, you’re a villain. Morals have aesthetic criteria.

What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!

Why Didn’t* the Chicken Cross the Road? Because he was too chicken! Sorry.

There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

My girlfriend asked me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the face

Did you hear about the newly sponsored gay NASCAR team? Its always in the rear of the field.

I’m never buying clothes for my kids again Dang baby goats just eat everything!

“Dad, why are there no jews on jupiter?” “Because its a gas planet son”