What do you call a cassette single of The Proclaimers’ hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”? Scotch tape.

I have found that there are three kinds of people; Those who can count and those who can’t.

The legal age of drinking in Alabama has been changed to 31… Representatives hope that it will keep underage drinking out of high schools

Your mother’s cooking

If our next President is Donald Trump.. He will put the P.O.S in P.O.T.U.S

LUCY: Dad, how did I get my name? [flashback] ME (signing contract in blood): Ok but can we at least shorten it? LUCIFER: That’s fine

Are you still looking for a job? I hear they’re hiring at the zoo circumcising elephants. The pay is small, but the tips are big!

Obama is an obamanation. That is all.

Getting sick of seeing dogs that are not falling in love or at least sharing spaghetti.

Here’s a joke about my browser history: [deleted]