Ran into my ex on the street. He’s got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat.

Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating

How come you never write e-mails? I’d rather send a note!

A Priest and a Rabbi Are walking down a street. They see a 13 yr old boy walking towards them The Priest says “Let’s take him down this alley and screw him” The Rabbi says “Out of what?”

A guy on the street just said “nice feet” to me can someone tell me seriously if that was a cat call?

If you’ve been married less than a year, stop with all the love and marriage quotes. S hit will eventually hit the fan…

I’ve waited a year to post this This

My cat deleted my final thesis. Don’t believe me? Cats can handle mice.

Do you know what an Australian kiss is? It’s a French kiss, ……down under!

Roses are brown, violets are brown Who shit on my yard?!?