If you show up to a job interview high and tired… You’re hired!

Why can’t a lesbian diet and wear make up at the same time? Because……….It is hard to eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.

What did both the bomb expert and the digital clock maker say to their mother? Look, Ma! No hands!

What stresses fish out the most? Current events.

90% of my opinions are a shrug.

Diet tip: If you think you’re hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.

What’s pink and hard? A pig with a knife.

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? A drummer.

Manatees come in all sorts of shades and hues Oh the hue manatee

There are three types of people in the world… Those that can count and those that can’t.