I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me. She told me she was at the mall with her friend Carrie. Thing is, Carrie was sleeping right next to me!

What would you name a star wars movie featuring Pluto? This is really just a bad pun, but to me those are the best kind of jokes Pluto strikes from the back and destroys Uranus.

Did you hear about the steak that was knighted by the queen? Sir Loin.

I went to the zoo… I went to the zoo yesterday and I was disappointed to see the only animal they had was a single dog. It’s a shih tzu.

Did you hear about the gay (native American) indian? He was a brave fucker.

Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses.

What is a ghost’s favorite Wild West town? Tombstone.

What do you get from a Hebrew genie? A coupon for 10% off three Jewishes

On a recent flight I was surprised to be served breakfast. Although it was only plane yogurt.

Why did Anthony Kiedis cross the road? To get to the Otherside.