Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel… There’s no ballroom.

Are you hot, dawg? Funniest dog joke I tell my pet beagle every hot afternoon. He laughs everytime.

I had my first ever threesome last night… There was a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.

What does Snoop Dogg say to his baby? Kushie kushie koo

Library joke A guy goes to the library and says, “I want a book on suicide.” The librarian says, “Fuck you, you won’t bring it back!”

Couples who take too many fertility drugs should always put an asterisk next to their child’s name to show that the parents used steroids.

I always cry at weddings (they’re wasting so much rice!!)

When my daughter gets older, she will have a camera phone OR a mirror. Not both. Thanks for the advice Twitter.

What is Jackie Chan’s favorite drink? Wata

An asshole What do you call someone that puts the punchline in the title?