“My name is Robert and I support apples.” — Bob for apples

Oscar nominations are out. Let’s experience actual emotion about multimillionaires giving each other gold

Why did the students need a ladder to get into school? It was a high school.

What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pump kin

“This isn’t my first rodeo” -Guy at his second rodeo

Helen Keller walks into a bar… Then a table, then a chair.

What the #1 thing every guy looks for in a woman? His dick…

Me: if u kill a murderer the number of murderers in the world doesn’t change Her: yeah… anyway your total will be $8.49 at the 2nd window

Capitalization… It’s the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

[making out] ME: *grabs a blindfold from the nightstand* GIRLFRIEND: omg really? ME: *blindfolding the dog at the end of the bed* really.