What’s a pirates favorite thing to knit? Scaaaaaarrves

Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep his nuts dry

Tweeting with an egg avatar is like showing up to a job interview in a sweatsuit.

What’s black hairy and writes under water? A ball-point gorilla!

Make A Dumb Person Curious Do you know how to make a dumb person curious?” – “No, how?” – “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

People can’t drive. Take this guy behind me for example, doing 110 mph with flashing blue lights. What the hell is a ECILOP anyway??

Leprechauns Why are leprechauns always laughing when they’re running? Because the grass is tickling their nuts

Yesterday evening, I had to change a light bulb. A bit later on, I crossed the road and walked into a bar. My life is one big joke

Hitler was quite thirsty… i hear he downed 6 million gallons of jewce

A joke I made up inspired by Mitch Hedberg. “Last week I had to put down my dog. It was sad.” “I said, you are one dumb dog.”