BOSS: I’ve called you here because I suspect one of you… IS AN OWL ME: Who? *everyone stares at me, even Gary whose head is turned 180*

My 13 year old told me this joke…. Him: I want to start a dating website for Indians…. Me: a dating website for indians? [scratching my head wtf] Him: yeah I am going to call it connect the dots.

lets play cops & robbers! ok! i’ll be robber! i’ll be cop! *robber hides* *cop just starts wrestling all the black kids in the neigborhood*

What’s warm, white, and I drink almost every night? Warm milk before bed… Get your mind out of the gutter!

Duck in my soup. Me: Waiter, there’s a duck in my soup… Waiter: That’s a pond, you’re at a park, I’m just here with my family, will you put some pants on?

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window? Where you going essay!?

Dear XBOX Kinect If I wanted to use my whole body to play sports, I’d play sports.

Blind man walks past a fishmongers “hello ladies!”

One day, a man ran through Red Square in Moscow, shouting at the top of his lungs, “Khrushchev is a fool!” He was subsequently arrested for revealing state secrets.

What do you call a sassy criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending.