A democrat, a libertarian and an idiot walk into a bar.. “I’ll have a beer please”, says the republican.

To me, drink responsibly means don’t f?cking spill it

The wife’s back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.

What do you call an angry pirate? P-irate

I’m NOT flirting!! its called BEING NICE!

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nein.

Boss Like Diaper A Boss is like a diaper, always on your ass and usually full of shit

*stands on scanner at self checkout, weighing self after keying in mango code, just to see what net worth is in mangoes

How many times do you have to tickle a squid to make it laugh? ten tickles

Cancer research scientists have grown human vocal cords in a Petri dish. The results speak for themselves..