A termite walks into a bar and says “Is the Bar Tender here?”

In honor of MLK day: Why don’t black people sleep? …Because the only one that had a dream was shot.

I just heard a dried up grape won the lottery, got a supermodel girlfriend and won a brand new car. I guess everything happens for a raisin.

A man is suing a hardware for selling him a bucket with holes in it. Personally, I don’t think his argument holds water.

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

What’s green, fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

The UK’s economy. That’s the joke.

You wouldn’t steal a gate. So why would you take offense?

I know I’ll be a great chef some day… it’s just a matter of thyme.

ISIS is knocking on my door recruiting… Cause I just bombed this physics test.