What did the farmer’s daughter say when she lost her virginity? Get off me dad you’re crushing my smokes! Or “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.” I have heard it both ways.

Leather armor is the best for sneaking… …because it’s made out of hide.

W T F After Tuesday, even the calender goes W T F.

My wife suffers from a case of constant halitosis… So I guess it’s a good thing I’m hung like a TicTac.

What’s white and smells like black paint? The freshly painted fence. What’s black and smells like white paint? The 6 year old who painted it

Why did the pirate date the mermaid? He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

Last time I had sex, it felt like the 100m Olympic final. There were 8 black men and a gun.

A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort,, it is equal to one night.. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.

What do you call a woman with big tits who doesn’t make sandwiches? A compromise.

I like bald eagles. They taste almost just like baby seals.