I love trigger warnings… They help victims of abuse know what’s ahead, and they help me spot Trump supporters.

“Bikini faux pas: are you guilty?” As a guy, it’s very hard to imagine the bullshit that women are bombarded with.

What has six balls and screws everybody? The lottery.

A girl said to her boyfriend “let’s do it doggy style” The guy said, sure. But we need to find a street where nobody knows us first.

What’s the difference between heroin and foot long dicks? Your mom isn’t addicted to heroin.

A cat goes to the vet with a septic infection. Hello Pus, said the vet.

I let friend’s kid call my ex & say “Are you really my daddy?” while I’m in the background yelling “hang up the phone,he doesn’t want you!”

This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer…

A friend of mine accused me of having a scat fetish Fuck that shit.

How do you titallate an ocelot? You oscillate its tits a lot.