Last night I overheard a punchline, but didn’t hear the preceding joke. The punchline is inside, you tell me the joke. Bruce Jenner’s cat

When should funerals occur? Mourning

I made my girlfriend dinner to cheer her up after her abortion The selfish cow didn’t even touch her king prawn in red wine sauce

What’s the similarity between a spanish prison and Leonardo DiCaprio? Now, both have an oscar.

I saw someone litter a picture of Kim Kardashian. What a waist!

What did Hitler do wrong? He didn’t finish.

Q. How do you make a dead baby float? A. 1 scoop of ice cream and 2 scoops of dead baby.

Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank? He was caught drinking on the job.

Sometimes, my secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her shirt the other day during our lunch break when she says “Remember, you have a wife.”

Mom is coming to town. I get three full days of mouthing apologies to waiters.