I got ripped off by a hooker once. Damn fish swallowed it whole and snapped the line, $24.99 lure down the drain.

Newspapers are cool because you can cut out eye holes and spy on people. Try that with an iPad.

Whats green and flies? Super Pickle

What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? The same middle name.

What do you call an orange thats been in the sun too long? tangerine

People who live in Lego houses should not walk around without shoes.

I would walk barefoot over hot koalas for you.

They always say to follow your gut, that’s why this is my 11th trip to the fridge for another beer.

I like my scotch like I like my women 12 years old and ice cold.

Wanna hear a joke? Me too