What did the photographer say when he retired? “I can’t take it anymore!”

If we are a country committed to free speech then why do we have phone bills?

A woman was battered over breakfast …it was waffle 🙁

What did the farmer say to Pat Sajak? I’d like to buy an owl

What do you call an anthropomorphic car that’s attracted to itself? Autosexual.

Knock Knock Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Horton. Horton, who? Horton Hears A Who.

Where do tv’s go on vacation? To remote Islands

I heard Reddit opened its own restaurant… The food is great, but the servers are always down.

patiently explainin to a 5yr old that night lights only mean u will SEE the monster as it rips u apart.. that sometimes not knowin is better

NASA: what makes u qualified for our mission to mars? ME: i desperately want to be shot into deep space, where there are definitely no geese