WordPress is shutting down? http://www.everydayfails.com/articles/wordpress-is-shutting-down/

Sausage jokes are bad… But German sausage jokes are the wurst

So my girlfriend came over and wanted breakfast So I offered her my personal salami and if she tried hard enough she could get some dipping sauce as well

Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out.

No one seems to care how NYC’s smallest residents are handling this heatwave, which is why I’m asking you to join my Shave The Rats campaign

Know your customer. Think like an idiot.

A blind man walks into a bar “Ouch!”

Sure, as a white man I can’t say the n word… But I can say things like, “thanks for the warning officer” and “hey dad”.

A joke I made up in middle school Why did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Because Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper!

Apple CEO Tim Cook has come out as gay. This totally explains why the new iPhone charger holes became tighter after Steve Jobs died.