A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them for a minute and says, “What is this, a joke?”

Why doesn’t a window scream when you shatter it? Because it’s paneless.

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor says to him “you need to stop masturbating.” The man asks “why?” The doctor replies “because i’m trying to examine you.”

My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack.

I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don’t have as many people who believe it.

When is a woman wrong? As long as she is unmarried.

Wanna hear a clean joke? Bob had a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was a guy.

What’s the difference between some people and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this?”

We all missed harambe Except the bullet!