I have found a cure for people suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder… … just send them to concentration camps.

What do you call a canine that lives at the beach? A hot dog.

What did the power ranger-turned-addict say? It’s morphine time!

What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other? A caterpillar

I appreciate it when my cats stand around while I clean their litter box. We’re like a little road crew: one guy works, three supervise.

Why did the turtle cross the road? …to get to the Shell station.

Be the change you wish to see in the world. -Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and Thomas Jefferson

How do you surprise a blind man? Stick a plunger in the toilet

Did you hear about that proctologist who became an English teacher? Did you hear about the proctologist who became and English teacher? He specializes in teaching analogies.

What do you call a police officer standing on dog poop? On duty