A man walks into a bank and puts a bag of weed up on the counter. He asks to open a joint account

What does baby computer call his father? Data.

What are a plumber’s favorite shoes? Clogs

If I ever have a stroke I’m going to tell kids that stare I was making a face when the wind changed and then I had a stroke.

What did the web designer do when a hot girl walked up to him and squeezed his nuts? He AJAXulated.

Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

The rest of the Justice League always makes Aquaman eat at Long John Silvers so they can watch him cry.

Women need to learn that “most of my friends are guys” just means you have a list of dudes who are trying to bone you.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? “How long have you been having this phantasy?”

Why Can’t Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because drawing a perfect circle is impossible. Also, he has Parkinson’s disease.