Are you into fitness? How about fitness’ cock in your mouth

If you walk around in knight’s armor long enough, people will just get used to it.

A helicopter crashes in a graveyard… the police recovered 300 bodies.

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat? Skip.

*buys soap on a rope Cashier: Paper or plastic? Me: Neither.. I’ll wear it out thanks

The world right now is like when you’d get bored with your Sim City and just use all the disaster options at once

I just pimped my car. Now it has extra whorespower.

Don’t assume I have a bad memory if I don’t remember what you tell me. More than likely its becasue I don’t like you enough to pay attention

“Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!” – The Very Civil War

what do you call a closet full of lesbians? a liquor closet