REPORTER: *asks question* POLITICIAN: that’s a great question and thank you for asking it *answers a different question*

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice carton? It said “concentrate” on it!

I wonder how many crimes The Muppets have kermitted.

I went on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Tomorrow I will turn it on.

Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces? Submarines.

What do you call a Polish chicken stuck in a tree? Poll tree!

Descartes walks into a bar… The bartender asked if he wanted a drink. Descartes said “I think not!” ….and promptly disappeared.

Why can’t the T-Rex clap it’s hands? Because it’s extinct.

What do you say to your floating TV at midnight? PUT IT DOWN, NIGGER!

What do you call a black dinosaur? TYRONE-ASAURUS REX! I made this joke up in like middle school I think.