Depending on who you are determines what colors you see the dress as. Chris Brown sees it as black and blue.

My aunt Marge.. My aunt Marge has been ill for so long I’ve started thinking, “I can’t believe she’s not better..”

Do you really have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans or can you be a big fat giant monster? (asking for my big fat friend, Colleen).

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick’s obsession with filming on location.

Hitler started the first ever Jewish Marathon.. But he couldn’t finish the race

I usually tell self-deprecating jokes But I’m not very good at it

Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? Because two Eds are better than one.

it’s almost as if one’s education has nothing to do with learning how not to be an idiot

My friend told me I don’t know what irony is… Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.

Jimmy: What has 100 legs but can’t walk? Johnny: 50 pairs of pants? Jimmy: No, A centipede. Jhonny: What? why? Jimmy: Because I squished it