Why did the chef invest in chicken and cow bones? He wanted to buy stock options.

A guy says to his wife “why don’t you ever tell me when you orgasm?” She replies, “I don’t like ringing you at work.”

An atheist, christian, and a scientologist walk into a bar. The atheist and christian then beat the ever living shit out of the scientologist for being so damn stupid.

Why did the wee duck hide in the cupboard and give the other wee fuck a fright? For the quak

You guys! I just realized I’ve been holding my moral compass upside down this whole time.

I wasted 400 years of my life trying to figure out if I was a vampire.

Why did only 2 Mexicans cross the border? The sign said “No Trespassing” (TRES-Passing)

God made Heaven and Earth The rest made in China

Why did the elephant take off his socks at the golf course? He got a hole in one.

If we could put bread in a particle collider… We could discover new quarks and glutons.