9 out of 10 people said when polled, that they enjoy gang rape.

A 92 year old man I randomly met told me this one: What do you get when you cross a turkey and a cat? A pussy gobbler.

They’ll hate you if you’re pretty. They’ll hate you if you’re not. They’ll hate you for what you lack and they’ll hate you for what you got

Babe, some guy told me today that if I have sex with him… … he’ll give me these earrings. What a jerk!

My dick was in the Guinness book of World Records Until I got kicked out of the library 🙁

Me: What are the lyrics to every 80s sitcom I’ve ever seen Brain: Coming right up Me: Remember to pay that bill Brain: Nope

That awkward moment when your kindness is mistaken with flirting.

All of my gaming / network usernames are based on things I thought were funny at 19, and that is my greatest shame.

What do you call an Egyptian spine manipulator? A Cairo-practor

What is the cutest piece of clothing? Cutie