It’s ok to leave a client with split ends if you’re a hairdresser. But not if you’re a mohel!

Did you hear about the commemorative gun they’re making in honor of the democrat party and president Obama? It’s called the union worker You’ll over pay It never works And you can’t fire it

If you’re cold, stand in the corner It’s usually 90 degrees

Budweiser is like sex on the beach… It’s fucking close to water

What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round? Patty O’Furnature

How does a gay guy fake an orgasm? He spits on *your* back!

A creepy man is dragging a little girl into the woods. – “I’m scared, I’m scared!!” she’s crying. – “Stop crying. You think it’s easy for me, ha?! The way back I’ll have to do by myself.”

What did the pea say to the peanut? At least you got one nut, I don’t see what you’re crying about.

I’d like to personally invite Conan to bring his entire show to Nebraska. We can work out details later.

Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.