Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything…

That awkward moment when you’re trying to get over someone you were never dating.

I don’t understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead… It can’t be done faster since he fights with his bare hands.

Why did the stupid boy wear a turtle neck sweater? To hide his flea collar.

I ate a gluten-free lactose-free low carb pizza for dinner tonight. (It was a raw tomato)

What do I love about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

What does a priest get when he wants some pussy? Nun.

What do you call a gay philosopher? Pyfagoras

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

How do you organize a party in space? You planet.