If anyone’s hungry there’s a cottage cheese sandwich in my sink I’m probably not going to eat

There are 10 types of people in the world… … those who understand binary and those who don’t.

#punsr PREDOMINANT: how to describe a young lady. . . before she gets married

Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won’t talk to her!

The internet is a place where you can make long-lasting friendships. You can also watch 2 girls drink diarrhea. Two sides to every coin.

Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? [flashback to me trying to sword fight all the customers at Toys R Us] Me: discrimination

Why can’t you smell Bran (spoilers) He’s hodorless

The Texas Rangers made it to the World Series? I didn’t even know Chuck Norris had a baseball team.

I was going to have a life but then twitter happened.

What do you call a feminist manager. Miss. Management.