What do you call porn with transgender midgets? Micro trans action.

A man comes home… … To his wife repotting cactuses and succulents “Allo Vera”

Men are like coffee. The best ones are rich hot and can keep you up all night.

My kid started doing this annoying preteen whiny voice and now I can turn my head all the way around like the exorcist.

Q: Why did the bird get a ticket? A: It broke the law of gravity!

Two muffins in an oven… …One says to the other, “Blimey it’s hot in here” The other screams, “AARRRGGGHH, a talking muffin!!!”

Shooting guns is a stupid hobby. Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!

Why was Hillary thrown out of a restaurant? She trashed the bill. Alt punch line 1 (u/Causative): She demanded her own private server and tried to have her meals removed.

She’s so fat, she fell down and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up!

My teacher said I’d end up working in McDonald’s. Well, look who’s laughing now. The guy’s ordering chicken off me in KFC.