Knock Knock Who’s there ! Cuba ! Cuba who ? Cuba wood !

robber: give me the money! *points gun at cashier* cashier: wait thats just a blow dryer nervous snowman patron: please just do as he says!

What’s the definition of a period? A bloody waste of fucking time.

Bring brownies to work. Spend the rest of the day asking coworkers, “you feelin anything yet?”

What does the rapping shepard sing to his flock? Ewe, crank that soldier boy!

Batman’s Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night.

Pregnancy test that says, “Your cart has 1 item in it”

I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast.

A terrorist invites his socially awkward friend to a party “C’mon,” he said, “It’ll be a blast.”

What do ISIS/ISIL members use to clean their dirty vaginas? …me!