Why was the airport depressed? It had a terminal illness.

How do you make apple jelly? google maps.

Beer: The WD40 for conversations.

Why does Puff Daddy have nice hair? Because Sean Combs.

What do you call a Greek arsonist? A

OK, Gravity wasn’t very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock — not an astronaut

Turkeys are crazy. They hunch down and freeze in groups in grocery store coolers to elude hunters. Must be a safety in numbers thing.

When does a Cub become a Boy-Scout? When he eats his first Brownie

I always keep two kinds of birth control available: condoms (cling wrap), and “fancy” condoms (condoms).

I like my men like I like my coffee shops. Clean. Smells nice. Free wi-fi.