Plastic Surgery I loaned a friend 5000 to get plastic surgery last week… I’ll never get the money back, I dunno what he looks like now.

To the rooster goes the spoils.. indeed

Before firemen rescue cats from trees they always take a photo and that’s where ‘hang in there, baby!’ posters come from.

I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I’ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.

Whoever made the song “Let It Snow” Must have been horny. Le tItS now? Cmon

Why is Stephen Hawking so controversial? He never changes his position.

Her: Do you have any kids? Me: I have 2 step kids Her: None of your own? Me: no Her: How come? Me: facials Her: I’m sorry what? Me: What?

What do 9 out of 10 people love? Gang rape

You know what they say about people with big brains, right? “You have a severe case of meningitis.”

What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim denim denim..