Black or white… We all have white in our blood.

Did you hear what the Pope was giving up for lent? His job.

Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal.

I hope you’re using all the time you save by saying “totes” instead of a “totally” to learn a trade.

What kinda truck does Paulie Shore drive? A DiiieEEeESsssleeeeee

Me: !!Ugh!! YOUR DAMN DOG IS STARING AT ME AGAIN! Him: Just ignore him. Me: I’m trying! Him: I was talking to the dog…

Q: What’s the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

What’s the only thing better than a gold medal at the Paralympics? Legs

Why shouldn’t you ask if someone’s a Texan? Because if they are they’ll tell you, and if they aren’t you don’t want to insult them.

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? Well you can jelly your cock up her ass!