Yo mama so fat when God said “Let there be light” he he to ask her to move out of the way.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An IN-VEST-IGATOR!

My Easter wish is for Paul Simon to finally turn cannibal, if only because I’m beyond ready for him to record “Fifty Ways to Eat Your Lover”

Hey girl! Is your name Google.? Boy: Hey girl! Is your name Google.? Girl: No-But why..? Boy: bcoz you have all the things I’m searching for….!

I met my ex-wife at the gym. We didn’t workout.

Why doesn’t Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and that’s down the chimney.

Trump Jesus asked the Devil if he’d made a deal with Donald Trump. The Devil said they’d negotiated for a while but eventually he gave up and just let Trump buy him out.

Who the hell buys a cat? There are cats everywhere just let one in your home and it becomes your cat.

In most of the country, if you lose your khakis you have no pants… But in Boston, if you lose your khakis you can’t start your car.

So a bear walks into a bear… and says, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” – my daughter, age 5