Why couldn’t Bach be a rapper? Because he’s Baroque.

How do you make the Wicked Witch of the West kill herself? Challenge her to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese!! (someone date me please)

It’s OK people with a poor grasp of the English language, I’m a sex attic too.

What do you call a bad joke about prostitutes? Whorrible.

How does grandma’s chairlift work? It has to do with nanatechnology.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.

My uncle knew the exact moment when he was going to die, down to the last second. Isn’t that amazing? The judge told him

Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones

Say you’re being attacked by a circus mob. What’s the best strategy? Go for the juggler.