[REPOST] How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light-bulb? One. He stands in place while the whole world revolves around him.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Have the alter boy shit into her pussy.

I started calling my wife “Zika”… …so that I could just get a little head, baby.

Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?

A lesbian couple asked me if I would like to make them parents. I never thought adoption could be so exciting.

Job interview with Al-Qaeda Had a job interview with Al-Qaeda today. “Where do you see yourself exploding in five years? “, they asked.

If the name of your song is not a prominent lyric of the song, I respect you, but I don’t have time for you.

Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?