Did you hear about the clumsy thief who stole sculptures of famous people’s heads? He eventually got busted.

So I met this hooker who said she’d do anything for ten bucks . Guess who got his yard cut?

I’ve completed my 1st four year term as husband and have been elected to a 2nd. Let the lame duck husbandry begin.

A Muslim suicide bomber joins Reddit **Edit: Wow, this blew up!

[Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..

It only takes a second to show someone how you feel about them… The Police call it indecent exposure, but whatever…

Say what you want about pedophiles.. but at least they slow down at children’s crossings.

“wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is” *waits literally 4 seconds* “oh there look at that he said his name how convenient”

I’m such a perv that… … even the crack of dawn isn’t safe.

Drinking causes memory loss. And then, drinking causes memory loss.