[at the mall] “I’ve lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?” “Sure, what’s his name?” “Xander.” “See, that’s why he ran off.”

Joke of The Day 6/9/14 Slept like a log last night……..Woke up in the fireplace.

What does a math mermaid wear? An algeabra….

Did you hear about the gay midget? he came out of the cupboard

Let me in, Let me in, Let me in! I need to go back out again!-My Dog!

Here’s a tip for when you’re feeling shit. Wear gloves

When the grid crashes and there’s no other way of communicating, we’ll see whose drum circle is “stupid”.

I don’t know who the pun editor of the NY Post is, but the headline PEACHES’ DEATH IS STILL FUZZY deserves a citation and/or beating.

Why people don’t offer chair to Sean Connery when he comes? Because he shits on it.

If you love someone, just tell them. Or get drunk and “Like” a whole bunch of their stuff on Facebook in a short period of time…..same shit.