I like when you see a guy with a beard and you can immediately tell he’s fashioned his entire thing/vibe/life around having that beard.

Anybody want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it’s cheesy.

They say you learn alot from your first relationship Ya! That’s why i’m not having a second

She:I’m furious with my son He’s playing Doctor with Neighbor’s daughter He:Its curiosity about sex She:Sex? He’s taken her appendix out

Have you heard of drooling Jesus? He’s offering salivation.

My wife and I are painting our house. I never knew there were so many greys. I hear there’s a book about it. There’s at least 50.

These drawstring pajama pants practically fall down when I don’t tie them, so I guess another piece of birthday cake is in order.

it’s party time let’s dance !

Why are muscles poisonous? Because my biceps are killer.

A man visited a zoo that only had one animal: a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.