Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.

“Every family on 2013 had ‘quite the year’.” – study conducted using Christmas newsletters

If you ever need some really poor grammar I’m you’re guy

I think the world of you! (Polluted, poor, generally prone to disaster.)

What do you call a bad circumcision? A rip off. (Da da tshhh)

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back. Will: Pity it’s not on her head.

How do you describe every gf in one word? K

Thanks God for Fast food! Lucky for us we do not have to hunt our own food, because I don’t have the slightest idea where the hot dogs live.

Roses are red… Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have alzheimers …cheese on toast.

Reddit, I see your sick jokes and raise you sickipedia.org a huge database of sick jokes