Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.

What Did the Fish Say When He Swam into a Wall? Damn.

I get out of awkward conversations by pulling a balloon out, making a dog and just say I need to take it for a walk.

Why do Hippies love Didgeridoo? It is as close as they can get to making love to a tree.

I think my scale is broken. It only ever goes up.

Make the little things count… Teach midgets math.

Who sculpted Mount Rushmore? George Washington Carver.

Wanna hear a joke about iron? I’d tell you but there’s a Fe.

“Now?” “Not yet.” “Now?” “Not quite.” *Car approaches* “Now?” “Now.” -Deer crossing the road

ME: my dog ate my homework TEACHER AT MY DOG FOOD CULINARY SCHOOL: that is good