The number one cause of depression in people over 30 is hearing co-workers resentfully sing, “Happy Birthday” just to get cake.

What does Tickle Me Elmo get before he leaves the factory? Two test-tickles

What vegetable parties the hardest? A Turnip.

What did the deaf guy get for Christmas ? A Headphone

Q: What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts? A: A hobby horse.

Which alligator lives in the arctic? The refridgegator.

When you drink morning coffee … You know your boss is waiting for your report. Let him wait a little….

I have performance enhancing shrugs.

So I was eating my grandma out yesterday… When I tongued the familiar taste of horse semen, which is when I realized how my grandma died.

“Baby, I’m in the bedroom waiting for you” Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed.